So when I started re-writing this blog last week, I was actually pretty excited about chronicling my everyday journey through these unprecedented times. Now, I’m like wtf am I supposed to actually write about for another 30 days (or more).
Most of my days are the same: Wake up, scroll through socials, will myself out of bed, maybe exercise, eat something, work, bother my boyfriend, try not to have my mother kill me, find something interesting to watch, and try not to sink into paralyzing boredom. See, not that interesting.
I guess too, during all that time I start thinking about things– my musings, if you will–and that’s what I normally write about. Today, however, I’ve had very little musing going on. I woke up way too late and have been working on Arbonne things ever since (last day of the month means a ton of last minute orders).
The only thing that has actually crossed my mind today is the importance of routine. I legit feel like shit today. I’m in a shitty mood, I look like shit and everything is just well, shit. And I know that’s because I fell very hard off the wagon of my routine. You see I have actually been forcing myself to get up at a decent time, put on real clothes (and even makeup), and make a little daily schedule for myself. Anything to create a sense of normalcy.
Not only is this (very clearly) important for my sanity now, but it’s something I’ve been cultivating for most of this year for my mental health in general…A couple of months ago my doctors started throwing out the possibility that I could be Bipolar. I’ve never been shy about the fact that I’ve struggled with depression and anxiety for many years, but this was a very new realization for me.
See, one of the best way of controlling the mood swings and general imbalances that Bipolar Disorder create, is making sure your surrounding life is as routine and balanced as possible. This can very hard for us creatives who seem to thrive in chaos, self-sabotage and and late nights. But when you are already chaos, you don’t need the rest of your life to feed into it, trust me.
Some would say that I was already decently prepared for the self-discipline that sticking to a routine, during this quarantine time, would require. And by some I mean my therapist. She’s not completely wrong, I mean I definitely do feel more prepared, but it’s really all in the execution.
It’s days like today though that reinforce my desire to create a balanced space for myself–when I feel irritated and unhappy and pointless. So tomorrow I will try again; cause that’s really all we can do at this point.