One Year Later…

Today I’m taking a little break from skincare to talk about something that’s been on my mind lately. It’s been almost year since I blew up my whole life, and in that time I have been able to reconnect with the person I missed so dearly: Myself.

Stepping out over a cliff, not knowing if there’s going to be anything to break your fall, is terrifying. Knowing the hurt and disappointment I would cause people whom I had grown so close to, was almost unbearable. But in the end, I had to make the best decision I could for myself.

That decision inevitably was me saying goodbye to the person I had built my entire future upon. Moving away from the life I had been building. And being far from all the people I had grown into a little family.

It was hard.

I was scared, angry, sad, confused and a little bit numb. I tried so hard to pretend that nothing was going to change. That everything was still going to be exactly how I’d imagined it, just on a different coast. Obviously, that is not what happened.

I genuinely could’ve never imagined what this past year would bring me. The people, the places, the opportunities, the heartbreak, the growth; I’m still in awe sometimes.

That’s not to say it was easy. Almost none of it has been. I’ve had to let go of so many of the mentalities that were holding me back from truly embracing and enjoying this season I’ve found myself in.

I don’t have a crazy amazing career yet. I’m still paying off credit card debt. I live at home. And there are almost zero prospects for a future relationship.

But those are all things society deems as “success”. Society doesn’t consider things like inner peace, happiness, compassion or patience as goals worth pursuing.

Just the other day, I took myself to a movie. For the first time in a very long, I could enjoy just my own company. I didn’t need anyone else with me to monitor whether or not I was laughing at the right moments or showing any emotion at all. I could just sit and be.

I’m able to say no to plans and people just because I want to. Because I’d rather be at home reading, or watching Netflix. Or because I’d rather go do something just myself. No excuses, no maybe’s, just clear boundaries.

Letting go of unhealthy situations has also been a huge upgrade for me. Sometimes people just aren’t fitting together during a certain season, and that’s not to say they never will. But life and love are always better when you don’t have to force it. That old saying is true: Let something go and if it comes back to you, it’s meant to be.

Months of therapy, good and bad decisions, life experiences and loving people have helped me mold into a person I’m proud to look at in the mirror. I never thought I’d be saying how grateful I am for a year in limbo. But sometimes the space to just be and grow is all we really need.

So if you find yourself ready to light the fuse that’s going to blow up your life, remember that it’s going to get hard before it gets better. But it’s worth it. Your future self will thank you. Don’t give up, and don’t settle. You’re worth a life that you’re excited to get up and live everyday.

And while society might not value them, inner peace, humility, kindness and happiness are all marks of a successful person in my book.

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